There’s this site you can go on online where people give things away for free, either because they don’t need them anymore or because, most of the time, the thing they’re giving away is dysfunctional. Today, dad received a rather amusing offer from one of the members:
‘Ten unused Sandbags – completely dry. If you have a flooding problem, these are for you!’
Yay… such a thrilling once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Dad reckons I have swine flu (please, no comments about taking ‘oink-ment’), which I’ve totally been denying. Sure, I’ve been coughing and vomiting a bit (if you thought me telling you that was gross see yesterday’s post about the toilet in Burger King), but those two symptoms aside I feel fine. And no, I haven’t grown a snout yet.
One thing I really hate about illnesses is the medication. Some I’d happily drink until overdosing, like that delicious yellow banana-flavoured stuff you sometimes get, or cough sweets for example. But dad wisely advised me to put together this disgusting concoction that literally takes me half an hour to drink. I have to buy five tooth-brushes just to get rid of that obscene taste.
Here’s how to make it if you’re planning to invite an enemy to a truth or dare contest. First, grab a mug and whack on the kettle. Rip open a Lemsip sachet, stick the whole lot in the mug and add a spoonful of Benylin cough syrup. Pour in the hot water until the mug is two thirds full, toss in a slice of lemon and fill the rest of the mug up with cold water. If you’re feeling especially evil, skip that last part and serve the concoction at tongue-scalding temperatures.
Just be careful you don’t get done for witchcraft. I was lucky to escape without getting accused of treason – my mug had a picture of the Queen on the front. You could say that’s like a mug on a mug. Sadly, knowing your bottom lip’s resting on her wrinkly face doesn’t help the experience… I still have nightmares.
One Feels Like A Lemon
