Paint, Non-Microsoft Style

Painting someone’s house ain’t my idea of fun, but I had to do a whole room today. Before, it looked like this:

And after:

The traumatising effect of redecorating:

‘Hi Steve Wiilliams’. ‘Hi 1Tylerpk1′.

This post is two days overdue, but I’ve been on a stupidly tight schedule. I still have to lose weight and redecorate the house in 18 days, and then go to America to watch Dad get married, while blogging, going to school, doing coursework and homework and going out to do Parkour.

‘Parkour?’, I hear you say, questioningly. Basically, it’s this amazing sport where you use urban elements and obstacles to travel across the landscape in an unusual, nimble and agile manner. If you ever see someone jumping from rooftop to rooftop or flying over walls, they’re doing Parkour.

As it happens, I decided to take up the sport, despite my overly fat gut and confidence that would make a chicken look heroic. So I teamed up with some guys who seemed to know what they’re doing.

Martyn is a 22-year-old giant, towering way above me. Not only does he practice Parkour, he also teaches it, and break dances. He’s also damn good at health and fitness, which came in handy as you’ll find out later. Not forgetting the small amount of Virtual Basic programming he used to do!

Jordan is an iPhone-owner who I knew from a previous Church, whose hair looks like it’s been attacked by an evil, chainsaw-toting, drugged-up gorilla. He works in Primark, so pop in there some time. You’ll know who he is when you see his hair.

Connor apparently knows me from school, but I definitely don’t remember him from anywhere. I think he’s only slightly older than me, which is kinda spooky when you see the gargantuan muscles bulging from his upper arm. We enjoy making gun jokes around him.

Bambi tends to ignore the fact that he’s got a broken ankle – still he persists, cart-wheeling, skateboarding on one leg, executing various Parkour moves and stealing Martyn’s chips.

Tyler ran into a tree while trying wall-spin on it. Update: And now he’s complaining that he didn’t get much information under his name in this post. So, Tyler’s last name begins with ‘P’. That should do nicely.

As soon as I started to do something physical, I fainted. My vision blurred white, I couldn’t control much and I fell forward, ripping a large hole in my elbow as I slumped against the wall. Martyn managed to get me against a stairwell, and all I remember was giving him money. Suddenly, he reappeared, carrying a large bottle of water. Some frequent hydration does the trick.

In Other News

After a quick bout of slushiness and flattery, I whipped out the ring and proposed to Joy. She said yes, thus making us engaged. The wedding will be in ten months. See you then.